I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
