Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
