Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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