I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
