so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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