I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
