just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
operation harelip BJ is a go
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
