She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
