I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
