How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you win again, gameday.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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