dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
