well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
