I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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