90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
