pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
