I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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