Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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