I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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