I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
