I bet he comes in French.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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