I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
