im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
