i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
she smelled like a LAN party
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He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
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Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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