I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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