apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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