Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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