Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
