I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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