We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
