i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
