just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
