Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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