my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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