for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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