She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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