oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
