we're chasing vodka with high fives
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
