I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
