i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
