Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I got inside last night via doggy door
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
