I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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