U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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