your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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