Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I didn't notice because vodka
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
