You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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