someone threw a dead crab at me
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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