My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
