they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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