New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
