I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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