I CAN MOONWALK!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
