And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
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He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
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If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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