So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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