You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
