A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
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