Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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