I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i drank out of a bidet.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
my poor anus
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?