we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
