Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass