I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.