Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.