meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
zippers are such a cool invention
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
