I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
