i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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