Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
