he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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