Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
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This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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