Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
