Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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