It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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