Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
