I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
