its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
