When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
