She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
