How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
