why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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