the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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